2010

burrp! Flicker. Books. Flash. Zombieland. Love. French Wedding. Blaze. Love ended. Ordinary birthday. 23. March Madness. Sneha, the head-girl. Sam's wedding. Leia/Lakshmi. Shiny Pink Girl. Famous five again. Memories. Zach. Coupling. Love began. New boss. New responsibilities. New ring. Bandra Love. Michael Moscovitz. Red velvet cupcakes. Coffee. Hope. Love again. Flash. Late-night texts. Flicker. Flash. Day before independence. C's Birthday. Zara. Hands. Leonardo DiCaprio. American. Crazy eyes. Paintings. Loyalty. Reviews. More hope. Accessorize. Home. Flirting. Mr. Italiano. Libra-Leo Love. facebook story. Gloria Jean's. Bombay ducks. Writing. Midnight calls. Orders. Shree. Coasters. Art. Fashion. Bloody Mary. October. K. Birthdays. Danny! Truth. Change. Disappointment. Hope. Crash. Lies. Haroun. Hurt. fake Accessorize. Love. Hope? Ruby! Christmas. Posterous. Tears. Gone. New Year's. Over. Finito!

Grey Matter

She comes home, she cries. She doesn't see anymore. She does see things but right now, emotion clouds up her mind and thoughts. She misses what used to be. It's hard, it sucks out pain from within her and it makes her hurt bad.

Well, that's over. It's almost like it never happened. It started out as a beautiful dream and horribly metamorphosed into a nightmare. And since you try really hard to forget the nightmares (they sort of fade away, really), the dream lay forgotten too. It's not meant to be touched. You can leave it be, just like that. Destiny. It's not meant to be tampered with or tarnished. There were no broken pieces, nothing to collect or sweep away. That was one of the best parts. And slowly but surely, the dust particles around will begin to settle once more.

Mistletoe & Holly

So... I'm pretty excited about the weekend (can't say why here). Oh yeah, and Tweety's showing me a cool new way to convert my domain. I want a cooler and cleaner design template. I can't wait to do some cool work for real on that front (I'm trying to divert my mind it's not happening. It's like OMFG, he is so hot).

And how, how, how the F do I hear that song from so far away? Am I insane? Are my ears too keyed up for it? Like it's an in-built unforgettable sound. I don't hear the laughter anymore though. In other news, my hair has grown long, not strong, but long. Also, the Christmas spirit is settling in and I feel happy. Let it snow! Anyway, I tried to, I did but yeah, I can't let go. I know I'm crazy and silly but I really just can't. But it's okay, that's just who I am. I can't change that. Merry Christmas, ye merry folk!

List For December ♥

December is one of my favourite months in the year. A big reason is because of Christmas and there's something in the air that always keeps me smiling (sparkly Christmas cider dust, perhaps?). That and the fact that Christmas is a magical time, you feel like spreading the ♥ more than usual et cetera. Plus the weather in Bombay is so good (yeah baby, 19 degrees and it's dropping lower). It's like I want to go outside in a vest and catch a cold. I'm literally doing that. I mean, I just waxed; what do you expect? I can't let it all go to waste. Economics, you see? So yeah, I get to wear my cool new clothes and I'm really feeling excited about this whole new 'fashion' aspect. I suddenly seem to wanna dress up well, have a definitive style rather just dress up boho and of the beach-bum variety kinds. Okay, so I really also thought I'd get inked this month on account of the season, the time and everything else but not sure. Funds are moving toward the negative half of my scale. Anyway, here's a to-do list for myself, for the month of December to be accomplished (I'll strike out the ones I complete as soon I can)!

1. Complete POP snowman
2. Find true love ♥ (sure, sure, why not? That's just the sarcastic me talking but yes, I really wanna)!
3. Paint TT's coasters X 2
4. Wear new clothes to work
5. Get reindeer antlers
6. Christmas greetings for office colleagues
7. Gift for Emily & Chloey
8. Read: Haroun & The Sea Of Stories
9. Make funky necklace with silver beads
10. Find craft-box
11. Wash the Converse-like ballets
12. Write a Tinkle story
13. Sell Fallen & Keep The Change
14. Make out with a hottie under the mistletoe!
15. Try to make eggnog with Mr. D
16. Make four Christmas ornaments

P.S. I'll add more to the list. I know I'm forgetting a lot of things so yeah!

Water

I feel this very deep and strong connection to the ocean, at times. Like I feel like a sea-creature or a mermaid. Sometimes I like to be strange, I mean, I am weird already but still. What if my inner-soul is that of a mermaid's? Like Ariel (how cool, right?) The first thing I ever wanted to be and for the longest time around was an astronaut. Then I wanted to be a scientist, too. Not making sense, am I? I'm trying my best to complete three articles whose deadlines are freakily close but what am I doing instead? That's right. I'm blogging. I want to be at Gloria Jean's, sip my cappuccino and finish reading The Dark Reunion (The Vampire Diaries). I have to say the books are quite interesting a read, as compared to the Twilight series. Plus, it's written by L.J.Smith who also wrote The Forbidden Game (one of my very favourite books).

It might not be of a direct explanation but I like this quote,"Don't beat yourself up about it. Acquisitions are like dating; they just weren't that into you. And you chasing after them would not have helped. Deals fall apart, that's what they do. I've had deals fall through even after everything had been agreed on, including price. If they didn't have a binding pricesheet in front of you, then you weren't very close. Not to mention all that could still go wrong during due diligence. In the bad old days of Microsoft, they would often use the due diligence process to learn/steal the key technology of their targets, then scuttle the deal. If you did anything wrong at all, it might have been disclosing too much about your future development plans and trying too hard to please Google. Next time, and given your talent there probably will be a next time, you might want to keep your cards closer to the vest."

It makes a lot of sense when you think of it, mais non? There are always going to be things amiss in life but you gotta learn to accept that life is more than who you are. Much as I, very often, try to push it at the back of my mind. I know it to be true. Who'd think that picture would be all to make me get over this? Haha, I am pretty lame. Do any of you guys know anyone working for Vogue Magazine? Please pass the word along or give me deets. Gracias.

Silver Lining

There are some things that you just can't explain. That's alright, it's life. Once you stop learning or experiencing new things, the journey is over. I'm okay. It was just a phase. I can't forget or replace all of it if I tried. You're still alright. To new things.

P.S. I bought some really neat stuff from the causeway today: a cool summer boho dress (teal), pink kolhapuris, a robot necklace & an Eiffel Tower necklace (I'll put up pics later - I am very happy with my purchases - super cool). I met C and B today; they make me happy, they had me smiling. C made me some chocolate pudding; I love him for him! :-) Also, I still believe that whatever you do, you gotta do it passionately. Yeah, yeah, I know there aren't always gonna be happy endings but the fact of just being pure at heart and loving the feeling, it just makes all the difference. ℒℴѵℯ is a pretty cool thing, there's time for it. Right place, right time, all that schmooze. Not sure if I used the word in the right context, just check with urbandictionary to be sure.

Fire

Fire is pretty painful. Even the slightest lick of flame can cause you enough pain to make you wanna jump. And it did. But at the same time, a growing numbness filled me. It was like my brain had been extracted from its skull cavity; I couldn't see, I couldn't think. What's strange is that my vision didn't blur, everything was crystal clear. I was just sort of there, remaining in the moment, left behind. I felt that it would crush me but it just bathed me in a new light. Yeah, I did die. I died, alright. There's nothing left to say.

Anti-Freeze

I wish I knew. I really wish I did. But I don't. I can't stop being who I am. I will be. It just is mind-numbing. Coolest part is that nothing really is going on in my head anymore; my mind has suffered a slow death or perhaps, is in a coma I'd like to say. Anyway, cheers to the fricken' weekend as Rihanna says. It is playing in my head right now. Farewell. Adios.

November Rain

There are some things that you just can't explain. Like how I can't seem to get enough of Somebody To Love by Justin Bieber. Man, I swear I hated that kid when I saw his cutesy Ken-hair fall all over his face. But looks like Candy-Lips has some kind of drug-induced song-producing that lures our poor ears. Yeah, this is the 204th time today that I'm listening to it (on Repeat). All said and done, it isn't so bad after all. Life, I mean. Oh, also you have to admit that the video is totally funny! It's like a balancing factor. Yeah, that and Usher (he can serenade me anytime). Where were we? Ah, life. Life really is more than who we are. I'm taking it all in my stride. I have to start working on my orders (Rosecraft) soon because I really want to have a little shop/studio of my own where I actually can work on this for a living. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here, I wouldn't wanna change ... anything at all. I wouldn't wanna take everything out on you. Those are the lines from a favourite song of mine - Black Coffee by All Saints. It's so peaceful and the song just takes you to another place in your mind. I can't believe I'm still awake. Technically, I shouldn't be. Unless I was an owl or something. Or a shape-shifter who turns herself into an owl. Must shut up, huh? I'm listening to Mr. Candy-Lips again. I'm not fighting anymore. It's pointless. I've been rendered Bieberified. Bonne Nuit.

iLike

I like sunshine in the rain.

I like laughter mixed with pain.

I like raindrops on my face,

I like tear-stains left to trace.

I like kisses on my cheek

I like hugs that make me weak.

I like letters written in ink

I like to sit by the window and think.

I like late-night phone calls

I like foamy waterfalls

I like love in all seasons

I like the fact that I have no reasons.

I like your smile, I like you

I like your everything, I like you in blue.

My List of Fictional Hotties ♥

NOTE: I'm strictly talking about the characters exactly the way I pictured them while I was reading the books and not after I saw their unfair (and lame) TV counterparts.

1. Michael Moscovitz - Only the most gorgeous geek ever. And he's in love with the shy, awkward and over-blabbing Mia Thermopolis. Michael (LinuxRulz) is hot, smart, cool and completely unaffected by trivial things. An unconventional fellow, he believes in his band Skinner Box and the future of science. In order to prove himself worthy of Mia (because she's a princess), he went off to Japan to perfect developing a Surgical Robotic Arm so that he'd have accomplished something too. He's very cool and very sweet. He's not scared to show it! You just gotta love him for that. He's a keeper! ♥
2. Jacob Black (The Twilight Saga) - Ah, my favourite kind of guy (I make him sound like a product, don't I? Damn). Jacob Black is just the coolest bad boy ever. This bad boy doesn't just ride motorcycles and have an awesome russet skin-tone but he's also a werewolf in secret! Best described as sunshine, Jacob is a cheery spirit with a lot of goodwill until Bella comes along and messes up his pretty little head (damn you, Bella). He's got a big heart and really big, engulfing arms (sigh). It helps that he's incredibly attractive too. I just wish he were real! Actually, I'd like Michael to be real.
3. Eric (The Little Mermaid) - P.S. In this case, my note doesn't apply. The Little Mermaid is my favourite Walt Disney 2-D classic. I grew up watching it and I most certainly had a big crush on Prince Eric. He was just so fine and dreamy. He and Ariel were perfect for each other. I can't describe him to you adequately, please watch the movie. It's so worth it.
4. Ed Fargo (Fearless) - He might be in a wheelchair but that doesn't stop me from thinking that I'd wanna jump his bones (haha! No, seriously). He's a coolio, he's funny and is Gaia's best friend. They say that best friends make the best lovers. I'd like to believe that! Anyway, I'm digressing. Ed is sort of like Jacob Black; he's got a great sense of humour and doesn't let the fact that he's a paraplegic change who he is. His character is pretty infectious to not let him grow on you.
5. Eugene a.k.a. Flynn Rider (Tangled) - After The Little Mermaid, I can safely say that Tangled is my second favourite romantic animated movie. The story is that of Rapunzel's and I loved the movie's take on it. Eugene or Flynn (played by Zachary Levi) is adorable! He's charming and laid-back. Flynn has a soft spot for the enthusiatic and bubbly Rapunzel. Watch the movie and you'll find yourself charmed by him! If only he were real. Have I said that before?

P.S. This list is never-ending, like the million stars that add up to the universe every day, I'll keep adding to it, loves! ;-)

Of Halloween & Spleen!

The month got off to a bitter start and it has been so long in more ways than I can dispel here or count but yeah! It made me re-think a lot of my life and what I've been doing over the past few months. I know I have been super-boring these past few months in my blog, I don't really know why but...

Here's what's exciting - I'm really proud of my blah article for this month - Of Halloween & Spleen! - I really worked hard on it, it's a photo feature and I took all the pictures. Aren't they exciting? Leave me a crumb, if you'd like. :-)

Seven Reasons Why My Life Is A Supernova

• I bought copies of two of my favourite books of all time: Little Women by Louisa M. Alcott and The Forbidden Game by L. J. Smith.
• I'm learning to pick up the broken pieces and move on (I love Shome's little poem on the same. Very wise!)
• I saw Hisss (very, very stupid but oh-so-hahahaha types).
• The secret's out. I feel so much lighter (this varies, of course, due to me and my mood swings. Now when I do see him, I feel like tearing his shirts off and kicking him. This is pretty healthy of course, not psychotic behaviour as you might think)!
• My hair is coming back! Blue hair-dye, you and me - we need to talk.
• I wrote a Blah article after eons and Julie didn't change too much of it!
• I went to Lonavala over this weekend and it was awesome (I've been there before but never like this). So beautiful, so peaceful. It was a cleansing remedy of sorts; exactly what I needed.

White Sand, Blue Skies & Azure Seas...

Random thoughts. Yellow daffodils. Spring time. Pollen. Yellow fields. Sunshine. Hay. Wind in my hair... Birthday presents. Balmy evenings at the beach. Sand in my shoes. Sand on my skin... it glitters. Stories. Costumes. Make-up. Paints. Acrylic paints. Charcoal paintings. Fire at the campside. Friends that judge you. Friends that don't. Love. Sweet kisses. Scary movies. Lying on the grass under a tree and reading a book. Little Women. Blue. The Ocean. Colours of the ocean. Shells. White sand. Sarongs. Beaded slippers. Sun-shades. Mojitos. Beaded friendship bracelets. Tattoos. Best Friends. Boyfriends. Dogs. German Shepherd. Misunderstood. Thoughts. Overflowing seas... Waves. Roller-blades. Nectarines. Dad. Mom. Star Tattoos. Facebook. Twitter. Roast Chicken. Potato Stuffing. Red velvet cupcakes. Canvases. Unthrown letters. Love letters. Calligraphy. Black Ink. YSL Elle. Bath-salts. Aromatic Candles. Walking in the rain. Cold Breezes. Hoodies. Sweatshirts. Guitar strings. Red carnations. Black Converse high-tops. Tags. Space. The Universe. Stars. Jupiter. Saturn. Ice-rings. Bali. Greece. Egypt. Paris. New York. Limousines. Pacific. Cliffs. Mountain-tops. Bike-rides at night. Late-night conversations. Chocolate chip cookies. Cookie Dough. Dig. Deserts. Tigers. Eyes. Lashes. Blanket. Leia. Jacob Black. Sleep.

10-10-10

I get damn excited by things like this. It's 10-10-10, people! Isn't that something? :) So what would you like to remember it by? I'm not sure, my day hasn't begun yet but I think it's going to be legendary. It ought to be, in fact. Oh guess what, Mrs. Obama shall be coming over to probably do a story/research/project on me and Rosecraft. I'm so excited! Today I'm gonna sort out everything and keep it ready for her. I'll paint two more coasters too and make some Halloween crafts. I really wanna party this time on Halloween...I never have! And I love the holiday, it's right up there with Christmas. So I'm thinking my hairstyle (I so wanna do psychedelic blue hair) and face - definitely Lady Gaga and well, the rest's gotta be freakishly ghoulish - Samara or Kayako? Hmmm.... I still have 20 days to decide. I need to complete my 'Summer' story too for my short stories collection - gotta get them published. Ah, reminds me I need to e-mail Luis. October - exciting things happening! I love October. I love Halloween, I love fall, I love autumn leaves, I love witches, I love Jack O'Lanterns...I love Librans! So here's to all good things...always. Tally-ho!

P.S. Julie is really helping me become a better writer. Turns out that I need to buy a pocket dictionary too ;)

Oktober Fest

October, the month that always makes me think of candied apples, autumn leaves, Halloween, birthdays, winter, earthy colors, peace and much, much more is finally here. It's been a pretty long year with all the stuff that's been happening. I am 23 years old. I'm a writer. I'm older. I'm smarter. I'm newer. I'm a little bit different. I am still the same. Costa and I have gotten even more closer, as I have with Emily. Teddy has been a lovely surprise as well - I'm really happy for him and Em. I've reminisced about Paris and New York, two places I've badly wanted to go to this year. One of my stories got published by Femina. First big 'writing' milestone. I earned my very first salary this year! I've blown money on a whole lot of shopping for myself and friends! I'm not complaining, it feels good. I'm looking forward to a lot of things at the moment: my 24th birthday (particularly cuz the last one didn't come), a tattoo (this month? Please, Forces, please), l'amour, new mentor (AL. Hello, fabulous writer!), Christmas presents, new books, a promotion, more shopping and yes, a meeting with the Beach Bum late winter. Here's to October and all my favourite months that shall follow: December, January, February. Yup, we've come full circle. Au Revoir!

L'Amour ♥

Maybe I'm a lame girl, after all because even in spite of everything, I still believe in love. Ashamedly. Not the forever-kind, just the love-kind. The kind that just happens. Presently. But yeah, looks like love's always gonna evade me and be light years away so here's to some fantasies that I've turned into a story - of sorts. Tell me if you like it!

*******

She looked at him with a question in her eyes.

Then she said, 'Is there something on my face? Why are you looking at me like that?'

'There is. Close your eyes, one sec.'

And then he says, 'This', as he kisses her.

Surprised, she opens her eyes and finds him looking down at her.

'But you never said anything!', as she tries to see his eyes through his downcast lashes. 'Why didn't you ever say something? You like me?'

He just smiles, 'You wouldn't believe me if I did. Besides you're so scatter-brained and lost, I love that about you.'

'I'm scatter-brained? You think I'm a weirdo, don't you?'

'Aww, come here and shut up!'

He kisses her again, this time it's longer and much, much more sweet.

A Story Beneath The Seas...

This is my latest illustration. What do you think? I like it. I think like the girl on my left, I'm praying for a lot of things. Silently. Meditating. Making sure things happen.

*******
She followed the mermaid; her trail alight by her coloured hair.
It was leading her to a secret, possibly not one of despair...

She passed by a cave, one not seen before - a lair of treasure and tales unfold.
She wondered what the mermaid would tell her, the story to be told.

"Tell me, Mysterious Enchantress, the secrets you know!"
"Fair Maiden, I will tell. Just that this might strike your heart with a blow..."

She wondered if she should ask her what she knew or if ignorance was indeed bliss, as they say -
"I see what you mean. But I am brave, what will not kill me will make me stay."

The mermaid gestured the lass forward and took her to an illuminating light
As they reached the corner of the cave, the lass's mind grew bright.

Ctrl+F

All of us are looking for something…or someone. The funny part is that even when you do find what you’re looking for, the search never ends. I believe so because you just never stop learning, you know. It’s a good thing, an amazing thing. It teaches you humility, to an extent perhaps. I am a drifter, I do let the sands of time take me where they have to but at the same time, the wait’s long. It’s like the U2 song, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

I’m 23 and for the past few months, working at burrp!, I’ve been a Jr. Content Writer. However, I did learn a lot and I still am learning, I do stuff out of my work profile as well and now I feel that I deserve something real. While, my designation on my VC’s being updated to just Associate – Content, I’d like it to be something more. To mean something more. I know that I deserve it! There are 3 more months to complete 365 days at burrp! However, if the time’s right then, I’d like to move on to a fresh new pasture of opportunity and hope. I’ve written a plethora of articles to add to my credit. I didn’t have a by-line for most of those but I wrote them. That means something.

While my stint at illustrating/graphic designing hasn’t materialized on the professional front, what I have learnt is that I want to implement and invest all that hard work and creativity into my own line. Rosecraft. And yeah, to all the suckers who believed that I wouldn’t be able to follow two passions, here I am, doing it right now. Writing and Designing. So here's to more of those stints and I really think I'm living the dream.

When I was 17, I always believed that right up till the time that I turn 32, I have a bunch of years to make all my wildest dreams come true. The start/realization may have to come to me or happened a little late but I am finally here nonetheless. Nothing makes me happier. :-)

Svenleia

I've always believed in signs, astrology, lucky numbers and god-knows-what. But then there are always gonna be sluts, whores and bitches to bring you down. So what do you do, really? I guess there's no answer really. You can talk to people, sort it out yourself or just wallow in your sorrowful pity... yes, don't bother asking - I blame the overflowing sea that is my mind. I really have been such a fool of sorts. But whatever I'm on the Road To Perdition whatever that means. I mean, I'm sure it means something good or they wouldn't have made it into a movie.

Okay, I must really stop seeing signs everywhere. It's fricking insane and completely scary! How the hell is this happening? Does one sees signs that they're meant to or are they just normal things that you make out to be signs? It just can't be happening. I saw three today. Two grave-markers with Leia's name on them (why is that strange, you might ask? Well, I came in early for mass and I went to the graveyard thinking that I'd pray over a random poor soul so I stopped at a marker that read 'Matthew Fernandes' and said a little prayer. While I did, my eyes looked up and automatically fell on a shelf-grave that had Leia's name. Then I called up Serena to tell her, she, of course didn't think much of it and by then I was walking around the church over the graves and I hung up the phone and yes, I looked down and I was standing on another grave that bore Leia's name on it)! Then her name crops up on a random bench I decided to sit on. #Weird! I didn't even see the name there up until halfway into mass.

So what, what, what is all this??? There is a fourth sign but I can't write about it here for fear of infiltration by the Nazis. But what do you think all this means? Must I make too much of any of it? Must I?

I am such a weird little kook. I must stop this insanity. You know what I love? Swimming pools, water bodies... right now, I'm thinking of an ocean. The Pacific. I'm sitting on the sand, alone, the wind is whipping my hair. There's sand strewn across my clothes and grits of it in my hair. It's late at night and no one cares to know where I am :-) I just sit there, hugging my knees across my chest and feel wonderful to just be alive... And yeah, on a completely unrelated level, I really wish you were here (just like the song by Incubus)!

Midnight Blue

I feel like I'm lost in space, again. In a completely good way, I really can't explain it or put it in words. Like I am part of the other Universe. The real kind. Like I feel like a celestial body. I have always been random, I'll never be able to explain it to anybody nor do I want to. It's rare that you find people that already understand the way you work, how you function, who you are without questioning...anything. It's the best kind of relationship to have with anybody or is it because I, a lone operator, seem to think that you arrive alone and thus you leave alone? I think the best way to discover awesomeness of your being is to lose yourself time and again. Lose yourself within yourself. It's the best kind of healing. It's as therapeutic as sitting on your bed leaning against the corner with your knees curled up to your chest and imagining a cold, black and dark lake. A lake that has a midnight blue surface; it ripples with a sheen of glistening diamonds. You break the surface and put your hand in as you stop rowing the canoe. Your reflection flickers. You see a pair of haunted eyes, they suck you in and you feel strange. Unreal. A soul out of your body.

I'm not sure what I meant here... but I love the feeling I'm feeling right this second. Let's end with these words, shall we?

I'm smoking Life. Try it, it's like Angel Dust. - ©Roanna Fernandes

279 Words

I thought this would be a good recluse but how can it because even as I write, I need to think? Scheisse. It's the devil and the deep blue sea. Thinking is a bad thing. My friend, Africa* once told me that over-thinking is a gift. Yeah, right and I'm President Obama. I've got to quit worrying man. Just focus on the happiness, I mean, honestly I don't think I've been this happy in a long while so I should probably use Daisy's advice and focus on that core happiness that is keeping me going!

Work-wise, things at burrp! seem to be picking up and how. Two new team-mates: George and Isha, Ruma left, A is leaving too. :( We got used to having them around here!

But yeah, other than that, work is picking up the pace, there are newer challenges, fun responsibilities, the promise of new designations, new ideas and yes, higher salaries! MUHAHA, but of course. We've been busy with loads of establishment and movie reviews; I love that part - it keeps us sane and always out there. Right now, we're having a contest at work - Menu Marathon - which is fun. Admittedly, some two days back, I thought it was the lamest excuse ever but it's acually kind of exciting.

Leia is just the best thing in my life right now! She just keeps me going. May be it's her way of transpiring goodwill to the world and inspiring people. Kind of like Nandini Velho. Not that there can ever be a replacement for her, I'm just saying. :)

I think I'll end with these happy thoughts. It's rare that I do! Night-night.

Do I sound like Alanis Morisette?

I once read this poem, it had these lines, 'What is this life, if full of care? We have no time to stand and stare.' I don't know, it just randomly came back to me right this very moment. Strange, huh? Well, I am strange. I sometimes think of distant memories and wish I could go back to it. I've become this girl. I used to be that girl. You know, I hated that girl sometimes. But I'm here! This is it. It's real. It's scary but it's as real as real goes. I want to travel. A lot. I thought it would happen this year. But, ah there's a travel fare to every place and well, let's face it, money takes you places. I've wanted so bad this past year to live in Paris for a bit, study art and make it all on my very own once again. I need change. Change is good. They say that nothing is more permanent than change. Am I rambling? Perhaps. This must be the closest to what I'm feeling in person that I've blogged about in a long time. Of late, it's just been projections and metaphors of what I've been feeling. I always think that I'd live in New York too, sometimes, for a brief while. Don't get me wrong, Bombay is great, I just need to do all that over again. Setting off to a new place, re-learning things, experiences, moreso. I need that. It's something that Nandini helped me discover about myself. I love being so disconnected sometimes, my friends sure as hell don't get it, but I like figuring it out. Doing it my own way. It's the only way I love being. What am I saying? I don't know. I thought I'd write a little metaphorical poem but creativity eludes me just as the one thing in my life that I've never had yet. But whatever, c'est la vie! I'll just roll with the punches and suck it up. Nothing like it. Fresh Air. Breathe it in...

Night!

For when you're hungry...

We all know that like an idle mind, an empty tummy is the devil's workshop too! So when you're at home and hungry, here are some quick recipes that you can use to make some yummy snacks and satisfy your cravings:

• Mmmm...Maggi

The best part about a pack of Maggi noodles is that you can tear it open and use just two minutes to cook it in boiling water. But just to make it a little more interesting, we'd suggest that you add some veggies to it. Sautée some chopped up tomatoes, green chillies, onions and garlic in a little bit of oil. Stir this for about 3 minutes and then add your cooked Maggi to the pan. Throw in a dash of salt, pepper, chilli powder and the Maggi seasoning. The Maggi Masala flavour goes best with this recipe. Voilà, you have yourself a tasty meal!
TIP: If you like, you could sprinkle some cheese of your choice onto the steaming noodles.


• Mushroom Toast

We're making snacks but they don't necessarily have to be unhealthy. So in this case, we can very well use brown bread. Now, to make yourself this mushroom toast, sautée some tomatoes, mushrooms (you can buy them from your local vendor), garlic and onions with a pinch of chilli powder, pepper and salt. The tomato lends a tangy flavour to this dressing. Once you've cooked it around for a bit, add the dressing to a slice of brown bread and add some mozzarella cheese to it; cover this with another slice of brown bread and pop it in your toaster. The end-result is a double toasted mushroom sandwich! The cheese will have of course, melted on the inside. Yummy, huh?


• Tangy Salad

For this sweet and sour salad, you will need: tomatoes, onions, green chillies, cucumbers, garlic and boiled corn. For the dressing, you'll need to have the following in your kitchen: salt, pepper, sugar, chaat masala, Tabasco sauce, olive oil and lime juice. In a bowl, add a chopped onion, tomato, cucumber and a green chilly. Add a dash of Tabasco (depends on how hot you want it to be), a pinch of salt and pepper, half a tsp of sugar and a tbsp of lime juice. Add 3 tbsp of olive oil and a little water; now for the garlic, the trick is to chop it sideways whilst mixed with a little salt, this helps release the juices. Add the chopped garlic to your salad and finally, sprinkle some chaat masala and mix it all up. You'll have your lips smacking for more!


• Pancake Toast (Courtesy of Emily)

It only seemed right that after a bunch of yummy and tongue-tingling snacks, we suggest a recipe that is sweet. To make Pancake Toast, you need: an egg, 2 tbsp of butter, 3 tbsp of sugar, 3 tbsp of milk, 4 tbsp of refined flour, 1 tsp of vanilla essence and ½ tsp of baking powder. Mix the above ingredients in a bowl. Once that's done, heat some oil in a pan (just enough to ensure that the pancake-toast doesn't stick to the surface), dip whole a slice of bread (you can use white bread for this recipe) into the batter and then fry it on both sides. Once a little golden you can remove it. The batter should last you for about 8 more slices of bread. When the pancake-toasty breads are ready, serve them with a little maple syrup and cinnamon powder on top. TIP: Add a scoop of your favourite ice-cream to the stack of toasts and gobble on!

Tell me when you've tried out these yummilicious recipes and sampled them with your friends; I wanna know what you think of them. Happy Eating!

Split-Second

You know that moment when you realize that some stupid things are just not that important enough? That's now. It's when you miss what's been right in front of your eyes all along but you were too busy being selfish to notice or care. That's when you start to feel bad, really bad and you feel like turning back time. Because how could this happen? It could be you or me. But the worst part is, you got saved. Your friend wasn't too lucky. That's what hurts even more. Like an insane pain filling up your senses and clouding up your mind. You can't tell your friend not to cry because you can't help but feel horrible yourself. If the world could survive on good karma and wishes, there's nothing like it. But this is life, it just freaks you out insanely but the truth is that we can't change or control what will be. It all comes full circle. You arrive alone, you leave alone. Don't cry, I wish I could assure you that it would be okay.

Morphine

You entered my system like a drug
You were in in my bloodstream
You threw my immunity away
I got sucked into you like a beautiful dream

Your taste was sweet, refreshing, different
I'm attached to you, like oxygen
I felt complete with you and;
Even as it hurt me, you got under my skin

You scare me
Because if I cut you off me
I'll lay open in a pool of blood...
And there'll be nothing to see.

They say time heals wounds
But the scars remain.
And as I leave you,
My heart breaks with the pain.

Time-pass

So you enter the theatre with a cynical attitude thinking that this movie will be another bubble-gum romance... It is! But it surprises too, so load up on the popcorn and enjoy this rom-com.

Movie: I Hate Luv Storys
Cast: Imran Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Sammir Dattani, Samir Soni, Kavin Dave, Bruna Abdullah
Director: Punit Malhotra

Starting on a mild note, IHLS seems to have the perfect ingredients for (no prizes for guessing this) romance! Jay (Imran Khan) and Simran (Sonam Kapoor) are two different people who when they meet seem to repel one another.

Working as an assistant director to Veer (Samir Soni), Jay is your typical love-cynic who meets Simran, a romantic set designer, randomly at a movie. Forced to work together as part of Veer's way of teaching Jay what goes into a successful romance film, Jay and Simran are at loggerheads about everything. With Simran being a firm believer in roses and romance, Jay is realistic and averse to all the things she likes.

So when Jay tries to change the Simran he knows; the girl with a dreamy job, the perfect boyfriend - Raj (yes, just like DDLJ and they wear colour-coordinated clothes too!) and with her head in love-clouds, something that he didn't bargain for happens. Their 'collision-meeting of sorts' turns into much more when Simran begins to contemplate her perfect romance with Raj as she finds herself falling for the stereotypically wrong Jay.

Not a bad film, as it steers itself from a predictable base and every time you try guessing what happens next, the opposite happens. The background score is not bad and most of the songs are okay to listen to on your iPod. Samir Soni as the romantic film-maker is completely commendable and is pleasing to watch. Imran Khan as usual, charms you with more than just his chocolate boy looks. Sonam Kapoor, on another note, falls flat on her face even after being a couple of films old. She's undoubtedly pretty but still needs to prove her worth; her performance comes off as stiff and boring.

Notably, Imran's sidekick and best friend in the film, Kunal (Kavin Dave), is quite adorable with his constant best-friend banter and charming wit. Take back home the awesome music and some great performances by Imran Khan, Samir Soni and Kavin Dave. With a lead pair that has chemistry for sure; this film is good but could've been tons better if it weren't for Ms. Kapoor. All in all, it's a funny movie and if you must, watch it for Imran Khan.

In the Ocean of her mind...

She sees the light now. It's pulling her closer, drawing her in and sucking her in deep.
A smile tugs at the corner of her lips. She finally made it, after all.
To the finish line but also, in some absurd way to the start of new things.

It's almost as if her mind's been swept in an azure blue, her favourite colour.
Her mind's eye sees her on a cliff smiling, eyes closed, hair blowing all over her face and she stands silently, embracing it all and tasting the salt on her lips.

There's hope, she made it happen. It was in the salt of her tears that she found her beacon. Her life, her love, her passion... the things that mattered.

Her darkness found the light after all. It led her there. It called out to her from the shadows and helped her conquer wave after wave...

She takes a deep breath of air and inhales the saltiness of the sea. Here's the big moment. The Plunge. The foamy sea holds promise...

Here I come, she thinks. No looking back. To life.

And she takes a deep plunge, crashing into the brilliant blue sea.

Sucker-Punch

You're an asshole!

You're a prick!

How can you be so daft?

Are you blind?

Can you not see?

Or are you just pretending to be?

Climb out of your ass

Smell the real world!

Wake up,

You're burning

I'm not putting your fire out

Not if you can't see it yourself.

How do you live?

How can you pretend?

Your world is crumbling around you

And your eyes are black

I tried to help you once

But the patience, now, I lack.

I'm out of the fire

Into the rain

I smell a new beginning

And there's no more pain.

Um.

I've been selfish, I hurt you and those wounds that I've inflicted on you burns me too. I cry on the inside cuz I don't know what to do, what to say. Sometimes I wish you'd leave me be and leave me alone to stay. I feel sad, I'm sorry. I hurt you but the words won't come out, I love you, you know, you're just hard to live with. I'm at a loss for words. Even as I stabbed you, my side has a deep gash too. Why don't you understand me? There is more to life than this. I cannot tell you how or why but I hope you will, someday. I love you.

Dead

I never saw it coming. It wasn't like a comet, it was more of a light year. It moved forward but only at a decelerating speed... it deflected my thoughts, it eluded me, it changed me. And now, I see it. Now, it's clear. The pain was inflicted. The wound was raw, the blood made me cringe for a few days, it made me still, it made my mind weep. It was something like bad karma but also like an airborne disease. It sucked at my brain and entered my system. It may have even broken me but as I picked up the pieces, I realized something strange. The moon appeared beautiful at night. Among all that velvety darkness, it remained a thing of beauty. It shone more with its craters and spots. It held high and didn't back down. It provided some reassurance, hope and a feeling of serenity.

Electrical Storm

So I'm walking out in the cold, pouring rain and I think I like it. I'm embracing it! It's a good thing, really and it couldn't get better. It's cold and a little dismal and unclear, but not negative. I like it. I appreciate it. It's stormy, windy and freezing but I'm going on, I want to. But even as I'm stepping over potholes, I'm falling. I can't say that I'm not scared and yet at the same time, it gives me such a fierce adrenaline rush that I want to do it! Ah, again, as I have done so, a million...no, make that a zillion times over, I'm rambling! I feel like I'm in an electrical storm of sorts (U2 reference)... in my mind, all of the time, I know that's not enough, if the sky can crack, there must be a way for love and only love. Oh gosh, I must shut up. I'm talking crazy, as I always do. I'll let the chips fall where they may, there's no use psyching myself out. I'm happy in my head, really. I'm just being a jackass otherwise, you know. I think I'll just keep walking in the rain for now, it's a nice feeling. It makes me wanna just stuff my hands in my hoodie's pockets and smile as I walk by myself. I don't have to think anymore, I'm just being. Loving the feeling. It's like an escape into a universe where sound doesn't travel. I'm gaining space, perspective... I'm taking the leap. I'm almost there! And it's gonna be awesome, I know it. Oh, Michael Moscovitz, you must be real. :)

P.S. I'm not on Prozac, you doofs, I'm okay, really. Just in a slightly trippy mood, that's all.

(To-be) R.I.P Eric

So, he's already on life support now and I'm keeping him alive selfishly for my sake till we get a transplant done. :( Oh Eric, I'm going to miss you so. I'm listening to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake and over-flooded with memories. That was your first ever ringtone, do you remember? Anyway I'm gonna keep you with me long after you're gone, don't worry... You shall never be too far away from my heart. I love you. Thanks for the memories, the music (my head has never felt like a reverberating discotheque than when with you). When I was down, you passed on texts and phone calls that could only lift me up! You kept me company when I felt alone, you lit up my darkness when I could only see black, you provided me many a-entertainment as we played Prince of Persia and Scooby-Doo together. You didn't complain when we had to hook you up with a false back due to lack of an adequate surgery (also we'd have to transplant your entire vertebrae then and I couldn't have that! No!) You didn't cringe when I dropped you a million times over, in spite of it, you only fought harder to remain with me till the end of time, you lost your eye in a deathly battle last year...and now I must let you go, old friend, to a better place, a safer place, a place where you can come to no harm. I'll miss you, baby! May you be reborn in the new life I shall learn to soon care for. I love you. Infinitely, we had the best time ever. You were the best phone around and if I didn't already assert that, my friends did too. You will be missed deeply.

This was to commemorate the slow death of my K 750 baby. Let's take a moment's silence to honour his memory. I know he'd love that.

May

Green grass and spring

Wet mud and bare toes

The sun is spilling over

I think of a yellow rose.

You spoke to me

We said more than hello

That made me happy

And I dreamed of more.

Obtuse Angles

It was Sam's wedding the last weekend and man, I can't tell you how scary it was for me, for us, 'cuz let's face it, this is the end of the road in more ways than one! I don't want it to ever get over, I want to do everything and experience it all without all those shackles. I mean, thank you very much, but I think I can live without a life-partner. We'd probably live together for a while but part ways when we realize our differences. I don't know, besides it seems like love was never on the cards for me anyway. Yesterday me and Sagan went to Sammy Sosa and the food was delicasso! Hehehe! It was really fun, hung out the entire time before that at the K Store and met his really bubbly and fun colleague, Nuzhat. Nice weekend, indeed. God, I have been a terrible blogger this month. I haven't kept up with tradition at all this month (4 blog posts) and well, that sucks. The good news is that I'm over Blaze now and I just can't stop thinking about the other her! I know, I never learn and I'm such a doof. Oh, btw, I got a complimentary Cherry Tea from the BBC at JW Marriott. Woo hoo! :-) I'm sorry guys, this post was far from profound or inspiring or remotely any thing you'd use adjectives to describe it but here is blog post # 2 for April as promised... there will be more. Before the moth ends. Amen! Wait, over this past weekend, I've fallen more in love with Dig by Incubus... It is fricking awesome! Promise me we'll always have each other when everything else is gone....

Musings...

Here I am, 11 whole days late but it's like they say, Better late than never. I don't know why I've put off writing here for so long otherwise, I stick with tradition (that of posting four blog posts a month). Anyway, I've been lazy, whiny and grumpy.

A sense of stagnation looms over me,
It's suffocating, rancid and painfully dark.
Stories lay forgotten, Articles pending,
Their emotions stark.

I seek refuge in a fashion capital
Paris, Milan, NY or London,
Somewhere over the blue seas would I settle.
I want out.

Thoughts are confusing
Lying scrambled in the head
Tears of frustration clinging to my lashes
As I wake from my bed.

Not sure what I need
Not sure how to escape
I feel like cutting all heed
And storming my way out...

Leave me be, please.
Let me go.
I want to breathe. I'm cutting off my oxygen tank.

I want to go away.

Facebook Abstinence (Part 2) - Status: Aborted

This is my newest illustration and I totally love it because it's so me and displays my mind in its true form - splashes and splashes of colour all over the place! That's the state of mind I've been in since Sunday...when I went to town with Bouncie and we probably walked for most part of it! It was tons of fun, we went to Colaba Causeway, ate at Cafe Mondegar (yummy Alfredo and Carbonara Pasta), bought trinkets and I picked up a lovely UV purple dress for 200 bucks!! AWESOME! We walked till the end of Nariman Point (walked and walked and walked) and then I didn't want the day to end so I called up Costa! And I met him too! We went to Oberoi Mall and yakked and yakked non-stop. It was so much of fun and plus, I hadn't seen Costa since the last time at Kenzo. We talked about this and that and much more than we usually do so it was a lot of fun and I met up with him today also after a yummy time at Mocha Mojo (yummy Maggi noodles, Berry Blast and Chocolate Avalanche -- Mmmm). Anyway so we talked rubbish (as usual) at Gloria Jean's...was fun! Then we had to pee badly so we had to flee the premises and head to Globus (mission: successful). March Madness took over and indeed, it has been a very and truly long month. Ok, we found out Federerer's real name but now he knows we've been checking him out because of the Blah Baby :P DAMN! But he really is super-cute and I stole a few pics from his facebook profile (snicker) and hahaha sent them to Maya too! He really is so cute and his arms are so nice and muscly. Also in a pic he had on facebook, his calves are amazing! I totally think a guy's calves are super sexy. It looks so hot! :) If he is indeed, a coolio, it would be so cool if anything happened. I'm developing a huge crush here! Crap.

Be a man!

Waxing, threading, tweezing, laser-treatments, plucking and there’s no end to the list of painful activities that women subject themselves to, all in the pursuit of beauty. Why then must women only be prey to these? Sure, we have a few handfuls of metrosexual and homosexual men who thrive on grooming but what about the hairy heterosexual?

1. Armpit Hair-Scare

WHEN IT’S NOT OK: Okay, may be some of you think your armpit hair is manly and not harmful when not in view. But when it starts to look like the back of a mini-troll head, it’s time you take measures and fast!

WHY: Um. It reeks even with all that Dunhill. Lest, you’re our boyfriend or potential suitor, taking your shirt off is no more pleasing to the eye. No more.

2. Unibrow-Horror!

WHEN IT’S NOT OK: When we see the two hairy lines above your eyes converge into one line. Also, when the width of that line is more than 2 cm, it’s called return of the caveman.

WHY: Because you look like a jackass! We’re embarrassed to be seen with you.

3. Ear-Whiskers

WHEN IT’S NOT OK: When it looks like black smoke is coming out of your ears. Only, honey, it’s not and we seriously think it’s gross and a ear-trimmer is in need. Besides, Ear-whiskers is not putting it mildly, it only sounds disgusting.

WHY: Because when you’re watching Fabregas battle it out for Arsenal, and inadvertently are twirling your ear-whiskers, we’re cringing and swallowing back the puke.

4. Pain in the Back!

WHEN IT’S NOT OK: When you think you’re all hot-stuff and take off your shirt at the beach, there’s black fuzz growing on your back and we can see it from a hundred miles away. That is NOT okay.

WHY: Because we’re dating you, not your hairy uncle, Earl.

5. The Secret Garden

WHEN IT’S NOT OK: When your boxers can no longer confine your groin-hair! Also, when it breaks through like a tributary and joins a hairier flow-pattern on your legs. Not a pretty sight at all.

WHY: Because it’s called your private parts for a reason. Everything in there is private and should be incarcerated within your boxers, mate.

So if you have more than one of these deal-breakers on the list, we suggest you work on it pronto! After all, you don’t want to be one of those men who gave up a great girl because of your ego. That be all.

Calamity James

Hello, hello. Isn't it cool when you randomly think of someone and then you see that person? Like while I was standing at the foot-board of the train that day, I was thinking that I hadn't seen Trishul-Tattoo guy since I saw him the first time and voila! He was walking briskly ahead of me, I tried my best to follow him but to no avail. I'm at work and I'm sleepy. sleepy, sleepy... I finished watching Season 5 of HIMYM and I can't believe it's over, at least for now! HIMYM is my drug, I need more episodes. I need them now!! If only there were a little comic (like the ones by Oatmeal to show how depraved my state of mind is)! The Oatmeal is a great guy, by the way. Funny, cute and hot. And he's on my messenger list - Score!

Anyway, I learned what a Teacup Pig is, the cutest little thing ever... I want one so bad.I also am really inspired after reading about Anushka Mayne's hand-painted converse sneakers and I so want to go home right this second and paint some coasters, the new canvas I bought and start work on Sohini's ashtray. I want my illustrations to look this one above my write up. It'd be so neat if I get to do that. I really want to study art and get in to graphic designing badly... it's what I love: colour, colour and more colour. Ok, seriously, why do I keep hearing my name being called out randomly? I'm going crazy. I had the best day ever on Tuesday! Me and Emily* went to Moshe's, Hobby Ideas and then passed through the Sea-Link to Bandra!! My first time! :) Yowza! The sandwich at Moshe's was the best I've ever tasted, best-best ever and it's my new favourite. It's called the Grilled Chicken Sandwich in an Onion Focaccia with jalapenos all in a harissa sauce. Harissa sauce is like this tangy and spicy sauce from the Middle East that they use in shawarmas and stuff. Needless to say, it was sumptuous.

Oh God!! I just looked at the picture of Teacup pigs once again and I can't stop thinking about how cute and sweet they are. I just love them.... :) Ooooh, guess what? I finally bought my perfume! I mean, not my perfume but the perfume I'd wanted for long... Mango Adorably and my awesome luck - 100 ml for Rs. 1,600! WOOHOO! I also got some neat earring tops from Al's accessories (Fishbones and tiny studs) and this amazing bath sea-salt (Sea Kelp) from The Nature's Co.

I guess that will be all! Too random, huh? Sorry, kids. Till then, may you moon-walk all over the place ;)

Toodle-do!

Happy Woman's Day

A woman is special,
A woman is bright,
A woman is lovely,
A woman will fight.

She loves unconditionally,
She gives more than sufficiently,
What defines her is more than a mere quality
And far more than a random ability.

She is beautiful
She is divine
She will stick with you
Till the end of the line!

Chromozome X rocks, in other words.

Train Thoughts, Woes & Hos

A favorite habit of mine is people-watching. Especially on the train, my joy of observing peeps and analyzing their minds/mental state (but that should be saved for another post) knows no bounds. Due to my recent observations and constant traveling on Mumbai's lifeline (literally and as coined by many great minds), I've come to find that there's always a: -


a. Smelly Person - The one who knows not the joy of possessing a deodorant and therefore, shoves their stinky armpits in your face. Sometimes I wish I could just whip out my deodorant and spray at the desired target and we're so close that it's not likely, that I'd miss the spot. And hello, I use Axe and Adidas, so please, I'd be doing a favour to them. Only, also, I did get slapped once on the train, so may be I shouldn't? Whatever. They should have a deodorant in each compartment so that everyone can spray on a whiff.

b. Rude Bitch - She snaps at everyone and constantly looks for a fight.

Eg. 'Tum kya karte? Mere pe pressure mat dal.'
'Haiiii! Andar chal, saali. Khadi hai jaise baap ki train he. Hmph!'

Personally, I've never had to be rude and lucky for me, because my pronunciation of certain Hindi words could garner me more laughs than attain cool oomph. Of course, living in India for the past six years and under the influence of Nandini Velho, I have picked up the worst of profane words (Hindi & English) that used to earlier make me cringe but now that I casually toss from the tip of my tongue. But yes, however, my rendition of Bosdi, Behen Choot, Randi etc isn't exactly plausible or cleverly barked.

c. The Constant Yakker - This person constantly yaks away and expects you to throw in a word or two. When faced with the yakker, I pretend to offer a sympathetic smile and go back to looking out of the window (yeah right) or reading a book or offer a look that says, I really want to talk to but I'm listening to some music now. Shucks. One can also avoid such I-always-need-to-talk-to-somebody types by merely pretending to look at one's phone, pretend to call a friend etc.

d. The Seat-Grabber - This person will try to grab every empty seat in vicinity. It don't matter if she has to push you, pinch you, bump you off or slap you, but her seat she will get it, she will. I mean, it's strange how suddenly you step into a ladies compartment and there's a Rugby huddle flashback from nowhere, I swear. She is also noted to go around all through the compartment 'claiming' seats. She doesn't restrict herself to one. She will be prepared to snarl and bite if you come in her way. To get back at such a ruthless go-getter, brush the sole of your soiled shoes against or on her feet, you wouldn't feel too guilty, trust me.

e. The Pusher - Hmmm, this character bears some similarity to the aforementioned type but in this case, the pusher is an irritating ass-face who keeps nudging and pushing you even when she doesn't have to get off the train. It's a habit, we assume, and not a very pleasing one at that. The best thing you can do is apply pressure or revel in a sense of calm by being completely rigid. That will piss her off no end! Or simply use your ass to dish it back!

f. The Immovable Hulk - This block of unyielding stone shall stand in front of you/the passenger all the time obstructing the path to get in or get out. She answers you with common lies of getting down at the next station but refuses to budge and even makes a huge deal out of it if she can. Talk in English, and you will be condemned, so it's wise to maneuver to a position in front of her, if you can, that is.

and finally;

g. Silent Spectator who chooses not to get involved (Me) - People fighting and people name-calling on the trains are a common occurrence. If you're wise, you'll keep your eyes to your book, your ears attuned to your music and ignore all the ruckus. Because you don't want to get pulled in to two different sides and if you value your life and opinions, just stay away! Besides, it doesn't help if you don't understand the language and rather than resorting to a crazy explanation, it's best to zip it.

That be all, oh fair friends.