Over-Thinking: Boon and Bane!

I just feel so very blah today. You know, how on somedays you feel as though you're on top of the world and nothing can break you? Well I feel the opposite of that today. Honesty and being your true self to whoever it is, I really value but it's just that not everyone gets that or thinks you ought be that way to brush past the conniving wolves of this world and make your mark in this world. It's so hard to move on and be pleasant about things, to move forward especially when your mind clearly remains stagnant in troubled waters...I keep trying to do it everyday but somehow I crash recklessly backward into false dreams or rather beaten hope. It makes me feel bad, makes me feel so disappointed and the next moment, the smallest of things can me happy, me(like seeing Lola Kutty in public or someone telling me my phone-wire braiding is really cool) and I can really be the happiest person on that day. I just don't like feeling this other sick way because it makes me tear up and negativity is really like a poison, it seeps through your system gradually, corrupts your thinking and kills you instantly once the process is complete. Hey, writing is very therapeutic, like talking to a friend or talking to yourself. It helps to clear your mind at least for a teensy while, it's a clean feeling but sometimes the hurt just lies there stuck in those impossible-to-reach nooks and crannies until the sharp and clever point of a toothpick comes along and fishes out the annoying tiny sliver of something wedged between your teeth!

Sunshine makes me smile! :)

The way you feel when the Sun shines in your eyes is amazing...it makes you feel alive,cheery,bright...it feels like love. I cut my hair from this place called Harsh today, it's getting more and more popular here in Mumbai and I have to say I'm happy with my hair! :) I feel more positive than I've been in a year, I've made new friends, still kept in touch with the old ones and yeah, it feels great to be alive, to sit here typing infinitely again. I haven't written anything in ages. So this post might be a little topsy-turvy but hey,yeah at least I've written! A new start, a fresh beginning! It makes me think of my friend, Ashwita, she's the kind of person who invents words that resembles sounds you would make when you're happy, sad, energetic, whatever!! She brings out the best in me! Truly. Or in anybody. She's the kind of person who inspires, learns, is very wise for her age and somehow she is very child-like as well!
Hmmmm.... My eyes are burning and I'm sort of sleepy but I feel like I should write more, share more. This is so random, I have never written so scattery(I know that's not a word, but hey you've adapted to Muggles so this shouldn't be so hard!) on a public forum before! It's kind of funny, really, makes me laugh...

26/11/2008

I can’t believe this happened… again. But then again, it’s been happening so often that some of us have even grown numb to it all. How can this be? How has Man grown into this seething monster? We are progressing technologically and urbanization is way off the highest rung of the ladder but we seem to have forgotten how it all started. Man has truly become man’s greatest enemy. We are from the same race. You can’t pick who you are but you can choose who you become. You can be better. You can be a human being. Isn’t it enough that we live? We talk, we speak, we walk…We breathe. How is it that we have grown so indifferent to the needs of our own fellow mates? How the fuck can you take a life when you have never lived your own? How can you profess that you are superior by spilling the blood of an innocent? How? Who the fuck are you? No one tells you to be any different. No religion tells you that. Religion is something man-made, however. God is One. Hell, we are One. So why do you keep trying to out-race your peers? What have we turned into? We are here for a reason. To live and let live. This is our home, our life, our cities, our planet. You have no right to destroy what is everyone else’s. Violence isn’t an answer but justice is. We will fight back. Doesn’t it make you cringe to know what you have done? Have you never felt pain or hurt that it becomes so cold-blooded for you to cause it to others? Do you even know how stupid you sound? How callous this is? How can you be? How can you be? But what I realize is no amount of wondering or asking is going to change what’s happened. You are our hope, that’s what makes it sadder. Look into the mirror and focus on your eyes. What do you see? You, we… are the future. It has to stop. This second on.

You may not see, but for that you must truly believe.

I think one of the most difficult things to do is to face your fear. For me, it's always been the same, scared of meeting people, of speaking publicly and of not being successful in what I set out to do. And much of it stems from feeling inadequate at times. And well, facing one's fear has a thrill about it yet you need that final push. Like I really wanna bungee-jump off a cliff someday but someone needs to push me. I might be all geared up in the suit and everything but I need that motivation, the belief that I can go on, do it and mostly, by myself. It's only then when you feel a sense of deep satisfaction.
I just hope I get a job when I come back in January, I really wanna work with Art...I want to design it, create it and I know I have the potential to do so. To graphically design prints for paper or magazines or even ads.... I even enjoy writing but now, after learning the technical aspects of designing which I was otherwise only good at hand, I wanna explore that aspect and take it up as a career. It's what I've always wanted.So we've established that happiness is
a prime drive for moving forward in life. It's just that sometimes I'd also really
like to show the people especially those who didn't/don't believe in me that
I can do it too and here I am, in your face, on the highest pinnacle of self-
actualization! I'm sure you have felt that competition too, to show people that
you can be the darned best as well. It's not easy but it's definitely not that hard.

I'm fairly creative but I'm still a little timid in my ways. That's why my work needs to speak for me sometimes. The hardest part is what you are or what you will be no one can see unless they see you as a bold, outgoing person. And I am the total opposite. I'm very shy and completely reserved. I just hope all this disappears and I get a job I truly deserve and want to work my ass off for. That'll be the drive to push me forward when I know I'm doing something I love.
:)
Hey, hold on to your dreams, never throw them away.....you know you can make them come true.

Hmmm :-/

I know I can and it's okay...but still what if I'm not supposed to? It's not a crime but would it be so wrong to? But anyway I already do.... I don't want to set my hopes up again... We're really good friends but....well....ah...I'm confused...and also happy... I might be just imagining it. It'd be great if it were for real. And it's been on my mind since a few days now... Shit! I'm sorry you don't know what I'm talking about but I can't say anything here - it's too public.


But I hope something cool happens! Crossing my fingers :-)



Aaaaargh!!! I'm going to kill Val.


I am an ass. I mean, it's kind of stupid. And X does not see me that way. We're just friends. I should totally shut up now. 


SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPRO!!!!

Have you?

Um....Have any of you ever felt a vast sense of emptiness when you finish reading a great book or watching a really good movie? It's difficult to put to paper but it feels so strange when that happens to me. I feel a huge gaping hole (okay, that would be pretty horrific) in my chest or something funny within my insides. Like today, I watched the last episode in the season finale of Friends and yeah, I've watched it a million times but that didn't stop me from feeling sad. I remember when I saw Rang de Basanti for the first time, I couldn't stop crying for a week worrying about my future and what we, the youth are really doing. Crazy, huh? I don't even know the purpose of this entry. Sometimes we type with the sole reason of making a point but then you can't and it just plain sucks!


Anyway I was talking about how one feels after reading or watching something great. What a great influence or feeling that another person (maybe the author or the director or protagonist) who you might never meet or know can have on you, a complete stranger. I really should try to stop talking profound when I can't, especially right now. I have a test tomorrow that I need to study for! Toodles.

My Crafts!

Being very much inclined with color and obviously,art,I really hope to have my own Craft Store or Art Store where I can display my creative wares-earrings,keychains,anklets etc. And now may be,I finally can because Kala Ghoda is coming up in October.....Yahoooo!!!! KG's always got crazy creative talent.


I draw my timely inspirations now and then from AWESOME places like Dhoop(it's at 15th Road,Khar- you gotta check it out!),The Bombay Store,Hobby Idea and various other cool exhibitions(Kala Ghoda-The best!).
Here's some of my work:








I really, truly hope to do this professionally some day.... :) It's one of my many dreams.

La Vie

You know what I think everyone should know and learn...is that you should never read too much into anything or question anything that once made you happy and once made you smile. Because it leads to regret, hurt and ill-feelings towards that person. I mean, whatever. Past is past. Forward is forward. You deal with so many things. No one needs to figure out everything or unlock the psyche of every nano thing. By thinking more and more into why it happened or how it happened, all that crap can do one no good! My Blog sounds pretty preachy,don't it?I'm just trying to learn from my experiences with different things.

Tomorrow,I have an interview for the post of a Content Writer for wcities.com. I wouldn't mind taking it up since it should be fun. It's new and it's an experience!

As I was saying, you really got to let go..it's easy for me to say. I mean, I'm scared of heights...but someday, when I get the chance to, I would love to jump off a cliff and free fall into the deepest blue...Just even thinking about it gives me the most awesome feeling. I would be scared to, but so bloody psyched just to do it! That's what life should be, it should amaze you and thrill you each time. Not just by big things, even the little things can count for a whole huge feeling of psychitude.

Like when I spot Orion in the sky, I always get excited, especially pointing it out to my friends or people and telling them how he got there. It's like the feeling is always new, no matter how many times, I've seen it. It would be great if things were always perfect and happy but it's the mistakes one learns from and also the ones that make you cringe but hope to learn better from. C'est la vie!