Strange, Strange Feelings

I always ramble about unnecessary things, and probably my meaningless idiosyncrasies don't even help you, the reader, if you are reading it (So much for my goal to help the virtual universe in my little ways). But I write because it's the only thing that keeps me going and keeps me sane. I feel suspended somewhere with the colloidal particles floating around and I'm just there. Not free-falling. Not hitting the ground. Just hanging on by invisible and clearly painful hooks. It makes me ache. It makes me restless. I want to go to France, sit at cafés, sip coffees, paint and enjoy the space around me. I want to learn to live in a new place all over again. I feel held down, tied and restless here. I feel like I'm not moving. It disturbs me. I want to go to space. I want to go to Egypt. I wonder if we'll ever settle home at Mars. I just thought of a Nebula Fission and wondered what it was, I feel like I've come across it somewhere in my Science Textbooks. Oh wait, I looked it up, its definition is:

1. A diffuse mass of interstellar dust or gas or both, visible as…
(n.)
2. A cloudy spot on the cornea.
(n.)
3. A liquid medication applied by spraying.

I wonder if the Gospel of Judas actually existed or if it still does and where could it be. I thought I'd have a job by now. I really, really want to get the UTV Bindass job sooo bad. I hope I do. I even prayed selfishly. I say 'selfish' because I haven't thought to pray so sincerely before except when I've said random two-liners to keep my parents and sisters always safe. Why are boys so damn weird? They are the weirdest and most thoroughly annoying species I have ever come across. They say women are hard to understand, that we make things difficult...complicated. Yeah, right. How complicated is telling a person you that you simply like them, nothing more, nothing less? I mean, what is it? Is that so scary? Who's asking for fricking commitment or any of that shit? That doesnt exist anymore, I at least personally feel so. So whatever, go do your bar-hopping, smoke a cigarette, think that the biggest action you've got all day is that a girl brushed up against you accidentally in a crowded pub and yeah, go home and make yourself happy.

I'm sorry I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry. I'll end here.

Beautiful Recluse

I suddenly feel like I’m in a mode
Where I’m fading away faster than a falling star
And I exist in a parallel world.

Everything seems to matter less and less,
There’s clearly nothing that I should miss.
But the feeling felt is not one of bliss.

And I’m locked away somewhere in an abyss,
Where the winds are cold and the night is nothing but dark…
How I wish for a blood-thirsty fiend to lark.

Over a cliff, is where I shall be…
Listening for the call of a special kind of symphony.
To further beckon me.

I plunge in to a deep azure foamy sea,
I’m falling with a pressure that is beyond great,
And I feel nothing, not even hate.