I feel an odd sense of frustration and desperation suddenly.I thought I was ready to forgive and forget and be a friend but clearly, I'm not ready. And I don't know why. Something has been switched indefinitely off inside of me. I feel very irritated.
Sometimes, when I'm pissed, I sing this song in my head,
Shut up to your face
Shut up to your head
Shut up to that stupid ass
Who walks at a slow pace.
Oh, go away!
June 26, 2008
June 23, 2008
Don't sing that stupid love song....It's time to move on! :)
Sometimes we can make things up with our minds to get on with life or feel happy about ourselves or something. It helps at the moment, but it helps the most when you finally learn you have let go and actually grown from it. So that guy/girl dumped you, it's like you couldn't care less and It's not even about telling them to go eff themselves or something...you actually don't care.
It's like they say, Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.
How true! How true! The funny thing is you believe it only when you feel it truly applies to yourself and you’re able to relate to it, somehow. But it’s also strange that before it all, it (whatever you were doing) doesn’t seem wrong, it don’t seem right, yet you know it’s what you gotta do. And the whole thing about making things up is more like a sane version of deluding yourself into pseudo reality. You see signs that affirm your ‘in-your-mind’-reality, people that agree with you… and then you start to see very clearly. It’s great when you realize what a fool you would be to continue being the same person and that’s when it hits you…. Move on! We only miss things or persons in our life when we want to but however, we can do better without them. Sadly, the first time you’re wrong, you tend to be steered into the belief that whatever you believed in never existed any way and it was all just a farce. That’s just one drawback. So it’s still okay. It’s not a big deal! I took a while to move on and let it sink in and now, I can say that I’m truly free of all that useless thinking and wondering.
It's like they say, Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.
How true! How true! The funny thing is you believe it only when you feel it truly applies to yourself and you’re able to relate to it, somehow. But it’s also strange that before it all, it (whatever you were doing) doesn’t seem wrong, it don’t seem right, yet you know it’s what you gotta do. And the whole thing about making things up is more like a sane version of deluding yourself into pseudo reality. You see signs that affirm your ‘in-your-mind’-reality, people that agree with you… and then you start to see very clearly. It’s great when you realize what a fool you would be to continue being the same person and that’s when it hits you…. Move on! We only miss things or persons in our life when we want to but however, we can do better without them. Sadly, the first time you’re wrong, you tend to be steered into the belief that whatever you believed in never existed any way and it was all just a farce. That’s just one drawback. So it’s still okay. It’s not a big deal! I took a while to move on and let it sink in and now, I can say that I’m truly free of all that useless thinking and wondering.
June 19, 2008
Orion
Hey, this is one of my favorite constellations and I love the story too. I think it's awesome! :)
Here's the story....
If you look up into the sky on a clear, dark night, you may be able to see a group of stars called Pegasus. There are hundreds of stars in Pegasus, and one of them is called Pelai.
Pelai lived in a magnificent palace with his lovely wife and their beautiful daughter. One day the daughter looked down to the Earth and saw a young hunter called Orion. Orion was as tall and handsome as any of the gods in the sky and the girl fell in love with him immediately.
Orion was out hunting one day shortly after the girl had first seen him, and as he turned into a clearing in the forest, he came upon the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. It was the daughter of Pelai, who, as soon as light had come to the sky, had slipped out of her night palace and come down to earth. Orion fell in love with her as deeply as she had fallen in love with him. The happy couple spent the day hunting and laughing and walking hand-in-hand through the forest, as lovers do. When night approached, the girl said: ‘I must leave now. I must return to my father’s palace in the night sky. We can never meet again. For I am allowed but one trip to your world. If I try to come back, my heavenly light will be put out forever.’
Orion was heartbroken. ‘Then I must come to you,’ he whispered.
‘Your love will have to be the strongest of all if you are to ascend to the sky and live with me,’ the girl said gently, and disappeared.
Poor Orion. His love was the strongest of all. But how could he find a way to the heavens?
Day after day, Orion would climb to the highest cliffs, scale the tallest trees, and even, in utter despair, reach out as far as he could. But it was of little use.
The night sky was as far away as ever. Orion sat down and wept. As he shed his tears, an old woman walked by. ‘My son,’ she said as she passed, ‘why do you cry? You are young. You are handsome. What has made you so sad?’
‘Oh woman,’ wailed Orion. ‘Love has made me weep so,’ and he explained his plight to the old woman.
She listened silently and when he had finished she said, ‘There is only one way for you to ascend to the heavens. You must gather your most precious possession and offer it to the night gods tomorrow when the moon is high. If they are pleased with your offering, they will take you to live amongst them.’
Orion was overjoyed and rushed home to find his most treasured possession. As a hunter, his bow and arrow were of great value to him, so he gathered them up. He was about to leave his humble hut and return to the clearing when he remembered the belt that his parents had given him when he had reached manhood. It was studded with precious stones and his parents had sacrificed much to afford it.
With his bow and arrow and his belt he ran back to the clearing and waited until the sun was at its highest. There was a thin veil of clouds covering the stars, but exactly when the moon should be at its highest, the sky cleared and Orion could see the shining stars.
Suddenly, a soft voice whispered in the breeze, ‘Orion, what is your most precious possession that you can offer?’
‘My bow and arrow, by which I make my living,’ said Orion.
The breeze wrenched the bow and arrow from his hands and Orion watched it disappear upwards and upwards.
A few seconds later the breeze whispered, ‘It is indeed a precious gift, but we want your most precious possession.’
So Orion took the belt from around his waist and held it up to the stars.
Again the breeze wrenched it from his hands and Orion watched as it disappeared heavenward.
‘It is indeed a precious gift, but there is something else that you have that is even more precious,’ whispered the breeze.
‘I have nothing else of value,’ cried Orion.
‘There is one thing so precious that if you offer it to the gods they will grant you your wish.’
‘Nothing. There is nothing more,’ sobbed Orion.
‘Then I leave,’ breathed the wind.
‘No. Wait!’ cried Orion. ‘My most treasured possession I cannot give away, for it is not mine to give. It was entrusted to me and in return I gave a similar gift.’
‘What is it?’ demanded the breeze.
‘It is the love that my sweetheart gave to me. That is my most treasured possession.’
As soon as he had said the words, the breeze became stronger and wrapped itself around Orion pulling him upwards and upwards and upwards, until at last he was in the sky looking down at the world.
‘My love,’ a voice behind him whispered. Orion turned round and there was his beloved. ‘You had to know that my love was your most treasured possession before you could come here. I am so happy that you knew it.’
The happy couple embraced and have been together in the sky ever since.
Here's the story....
If you look up into the sky on a clear, dark night, you may be able to see a group of stars called Pegasus. There are hundreds of stars in Pegasus, and one of them is called Pelai.
Pelai lived in a magnificent palace with his lovely wife and their beautiful daughter. One day the daughter looked down to the Earth and saw a young hunter called Orion. Orion was as tall and handsome as any of the gods in the sky and the girl fell in love with him immediately.
Orion was out hunting one day shortly after the girl had first seen him, and as he turned into a clearing in the forest, he came upon the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. It was the daughter of Pelai, who, as soon as light had come to the sky, had slipped out of her night palace and come down to earth. Orion fell in love with her as deeply as she had fallen in love with him. The happy couple spent the day hunting and laughing and walking hand-in-hand through the forest, as lovers do. When night approached, the girl said: ‘I must leave now. I must return to my father’s palace in the night sky. We can never meet again. For I am allowed but one trip to your world. If I try to come back, my heavenly light will be put out forever.’
Orion was heartbroken. ‘Then I must come to you,’ he whispered.
‘Your love will have to be the strongest of all if you are to ascend to the sky and live with me,’ the girl said gently, and disappeared.
Poor Orion. His love was the strongest of all. But how could he find a way to the heavens?
Day after day, Orion would climb to the highest cliffs, scale the tallest trees, and even, in utter despair, reach out as far as he could. But it was of little use.
The night sky was as far away as ever. Orion sat down and wept. As he shed his tears, an old woman walked by. ‘My son,’ she said as she passed, ‘why do you cry? You are young. You are handsome. What has made you so sad?’
‘Oh woman,’ wailed Orion. ‘Love has made me weep so,’ and he explained his plight to the old woman.
She listened silently and when he had finished she said, ‘There is only one way for you to ascend to the heavens. You must gather your most precious possession and offer it to the night gods tomorrow when the moon is high. If they are pleased with your offering, they will take you to live amongst them.’
Orion was overjoyed and rushed home to find his most treasured possession. As a hunter, his bow and arrow were of great value to him, so he gathered them up. He was about to leave his humble hut and return to the clearing when he remembered the belt that his parents had given him when he had reached manhood. It was studded with precious stones and his parents had sacrificed much to afford it.
With his bow and arrow and his belt he ran back to the clearing and waited until the sun was at its highest. There was a thin veil of clouds covering the stars, but exactly when the moon should be at its highest, the sky cleared and Orion could see the shining stars.
Suddenly, a soft voice whispered in the breeze, ‘Orion, what is your most precious possession that you can offer?’
‘My bow and arrow, by which I make my living,’ said Orion.
The breeze wrenched the bow and arrow from his hands and Orion watched it disappear upwards and upwards.
A few seconds later the breeze whispered, ‘It is indeed a precious gift, but we want your most precious possession.’
So Orion took the belt from around his waist and held it up to the stars.
Again the breeze wrenched it from his hands and Orion watched as it disappeared heavenward.
‘It is indeed a precious gift, but there is something else that you have that is even more precious,’ whispered the breeze.
‘I have nothing else of value,’ cried Orion.
‘There is one thing so precious that if you offer it to the gods they will grant you your wish.’
‘Nothing. There is nothing more,’ sobbed Orion.
‘Then I leave,’ breathed the wind.
‘No. Wait!’ cried Orion. ‘My most treasured possession I cannot give away, for it is not mine to give. It was entrusted to me and in return I gave a similar gift.’
‘What is it?’ demanded the breeze.
‘It is the love that my sweetheart gave to me. That is my most treasured possession.’
As soon as he had said the words, the breeze became stronger and wrapped itself around Orion pulling him upwards and upwards and upwards, until at last he was in the sky looking down at the world.
‘My love,’ a voice behind him whispered. Orion turned round and there was his beloved. ‘You had to know that my love was your most treasured possession before you could come here. I am so happy that you knew it.’
The happy couple embraced and have been together in the sky ever since.
June 18, 2008
Smiles and Sunshine!
Hey because of that cool dream,maybe it was trying to tell me to leave all my emotional junk behind....So I'm actually on the road to letting go!!
I mean, for a while, it did seem right but I guess I've got more in store for me!!
I'm thinking of writing a book....I always wanted to...Just never got around to doing it.
I sometimes wish my journals would get published some day.But I don't know how comfortable I would feel about others reading it.
Whatever.
This is a start for the new me!!!
Let's see how far this 'letting go' works....
:)
I mean, for a while, it did seem right but I guess I've got more in store for me!!
I'm thinking of writing a book....I always wanted to...Just never got around to doing it.
I sometimes wish my journals would get published some day.But I don't know how comfortable I would feel about others reading it.
Whatever.
This is a start for the new me!!!
Let's see how far this 'letting go' works....
:)
June 15, 2008
What I dreamt about....
I had a really weird dream last night. Weird, strange but nice. Apparently, I was talking to some guy I barely met and who I knew through a friend. As we started getting acquainted, out of the blue, he started to talk about soul-mates, and how he needed to find his desperately and I was getting all excited, to talk to him about it cuz I felt I could totally relate in light of my recent feelings towards a certain member of the opposite sex and we were talking about taking chances and we came to this waterfall. Crazy, huh? And he jumped right through to the end and said, ‘Do this!’
And I was like, ‘Whoa!’ and then I told him it would have been more fun if we’d have jumped in together and any way I was wearing my pink skirt and white top in the dream, so I was afraid it’d get wet and I was worried the water might be too deep but then, I jumped right down through the splooshing (Is that a word?) foamy water and the dream just took off from there. I was in the water but he wasn’t around, and it didn’t seem funny to me in the dream that he wasn’t, but now I wonder where he disappeared to! I don’t remember any more. It was definitely strange but kind of cool. I’ve never met that guy before nor did he bear any resemblance to anybody I know. His face too, is a blur in my mind. It was also quirky because I was thinking nothing of that sort when I went to sleep last night.
I wonder if it means anything? What do you think?
And I was like, ‘Whoa!’ and then I told him it would have been more fun if we’d have jumped in together and any way I was wearing my pink skirt and white top in the dream, so I was afraid it’d get wet and I was worried the water might be too deep but then, I jumped right down through the splooshing (Is that a word?) foamy water and the dream just took off from there. I was in the water but he wasn’t around, and it didn’t seem funny to me in the dream that he wasn’t, but now I wonder where he disappeared to! I don’t remember any more. It was definitely strange but kind of cool. I’ve never met that guy before nor did he bear any resemblance to anybody I know. His face too, is a blur in my mind. It was also quirky because I was thinking nothing of that sort when I went to sleep last night.
I wonder if it means anything? What do you think?
June 09, 2008
Ramble-Ample!
It’s amazing how you can think one thing and say the other. The games our brains play with our mouth.
What you know is that I’m a random blogger like everyone else. What you don’t know is, who I really am. But in this world of weirdness and weirder-ness, I ask, ‘Do we really want to know?’ Do we? And why? This is a world of gossip. I strive to un thrive. Then again, it is difficult to not. The world is full of people. Different categories of people. The more we analyze, the more confused we become. Loving somebody must be awesome. I wouldn’t know. Sex isn’t a big deal. But I may not come close to doing it because I have my own issues. Sharing secrets with someone you care about is great. I’m rambling and I don’t have a point to make. I’m typing for the sake of it. I hate confinement. I have a phobia of closed spaces. I like to be free. Running around in an empty stadium. Driving at night on a lone road. Walking by myself at the beach. I am not afraid of people. I’m afraid of losing myself. Of giving myself away. I feel lost in a throng of faces. I look for people I’ve seen in my dreams. Sometimes, I wish I could remember their faces. I seek answers to my immediate plans. I do not want to not go to college anymore. Most importantly, I wish to remain the same. I want to be happy. I want to care about world peace or saving the environment. I want to not care too much about material things. But I do. I want to accomplish all that I’ve set out far. I believe I’m gonna make it. I miss my old home. I miss living with people. I hate coming back to an empty house. I never want to have kids. Or get married. But sometimes I think if I did have kids, or adopted any, I’d name them Ariel and Skye. I don’t want to ever think about death of any of my family members. I think, sometimes, you need to try at least, to be prepared but I don’t think I ever will. However, like a coward, I do hope that I would die first before any of that happened lest dealing with it because I know I will never be able to. I know I would never dream of taking my life away because it means so much to me, I love it and I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. Especially in mind and spirit. How much I’ve learnt and grown. And as far as I’m concerned, nothing will ever be a mistake in my life because I will always learn. To feel like you know everything is just plain boring. When you have a raw desire to know or have a to-do list, you know you want to go further. Explore. Discover. And keep dreaming big. Dreams are never foolish.
What you know is that I’m a random blogger like everyone else. What you don’t know is, who I really am. But in this world of weirdness and weirder-ness, I ask, ‘Do we really want to know?’ Do we? And why? This is a world of gossip. I strive to un thrive. Then again, it is difficult to not. The world is full of people. Different categories of people. The more we analyze, the more confused we become. Loving somebody must be awesome. I wouldn’t know. Sex isn’t a big deal. But I may not come close to doing it because I have my own issues. Sharing secrets with someone you care about is great. I’m rambling and I don’t have a point to make. I’m typing for the sake of it. I hate confinement. I have a phobia of closed spaces. I like to be free. Running around in an empty stadium. Driving at night on a lone road. Walking by myself at the beach. I am not afraid of people. I’m afraid of losing myself. Of giving myself away. I feel lost in a throng of faces. I look for people I’ve seen in my dreams. Sometimes, I wish I could remember their faces. I seek answers to my immediate plans. I do not want to not go to college anymore. Most importantly, I wish to remain the same. I want to be happy. I want to care about world peace or saving the environment. I want to not care too much about material things. But I do. I want to accomplish all that I’ve set out far. I believe I’m gonna make it. I miss my old home. I miss living with people. I hate coming back to an empty house. I never want to have kids. Or get married. But sometimes I think if I did have kids, or adopted any, I’d name them Ariel and Skye. I don’t want to ever think about death of any of my family members. I think, sometimes, you need to try at least, to be prepared but I don’t think I ever will. However, like a coward, I do hope that I would die first before any of that happened lest dealing with it because I know I will never be able to. I know I would never dream of taking my life away because it means so much to me, I love it and I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. Especially in mind and spirit. How much I’ve learnt and grown. And as far as I’m concerned, nothing will ever be a mistake in my life because I will always learn. To feel like you know everything is just plain boring. When you have a raw desire to know or have a to-do list, you know you want to go further. Explore. Discover. And keep dreaming big. Dreams are never foolish.
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