That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

I'm a nineties kid, by way of which I grew up then. In the nineties!
The good ol' nineties - I miss you. I can't even believe the pile of 
emotional garbage I've written here on this blog yet somehow 
it would pain me to have it deleted. It's been my friend of sorts. Is 
it silly that I worry that my paper journals will meet their fate when 
dust termites begin to attack? How will I preserve them? Here's a 
tip, if you are okay, and able to let go of your journal to junk it. Don't 
do it. As in yes, you can junk it but burn it before you do. Trust me. 
Unless you're okay with bequeathing it to someone of consequence 
whom you know will publish it when you're old/dead/dying and you 
don't really care anymore. Lesson learnt from precaution. Lightning 
strikes outside, I would have gotten poetic about it some ten years 
ago but now I'm just like, eh, whatever. I just wish I was 17 again. Like 
in that Zac Efron movie or that Eurythmics track, you know the one?

Weaving of Words + Pondering over Promises

What do you do?

Um, I write. Sometimes. Dawdle, mostly. I mean, doodle.

- - - -

Didn't you used to have a spark?

Didn't I used to have a lot of things?

- - - -

You're different. You don't want the same things anymore.

I concur!

- - - -

Can I help you?

No. I'm okay.

Making Observations (Random Order)

- Social media is the bane of our existence (READ: The kids of the nineties).

- Do what you can, with what you have.

- Forming comparisons, opinions etc. isn't necessary.

- The WWW is a virtual space. Emphasis on the VIRTUAL.

- #Emo is out. Accept its yesteryear presence in your life, but you're not the same person so let go, honey...

- Sarcasm isn't for everyone.

- Critiquing doesn't make you a good observer, better writer or powerful thinker. Learning is far more beautiful. Focus on that core.

- It's okay to have wanted different things than your friends.

- Love happens in phases, pieces, etc. :-) Falling in love with one person, place or thing isn't possible, not emotionally, no. 

- Lapping up the sunshine on your face is a good feeling.

- I wish I still had my Walkman!

- Reading is good. On the internet, it's okay. But sometimes it opens up a can of worms that you just don't need. When, on the WWW. Books = LOVE.

- Less is more.

- Being financially stable is a good feeling.

- Sticking on to bits of you that were past and gone is okay; doesn't matter what you are told to do. I would still read a Nancy Drew mystery if I were given an old copy. Or buy one, for that matter.
- Be honest/straightforward with someone you're not romantically inclined to - anymore.
- It's okay to say no to someone who likes you but whom you're just not interested in.
- Better now, than later.
- Talk to your school friends.
- Write letters if it makes you happy.
- Life is too short, wasting time with someone you know you don't want to be with makes it shorter.
- Walk in the rain. (When it's drizzling, perhaps! Don't catch a cold.)
- Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. You just know what you don't need/want. C'est cool, homie.

- Take only what you need. And you know what you do!

- Be kind.

- Don't say something mean if you've got nothing good to say. 

- Just be, it's cool.

- Social media detoxes are cool. Delete accounts you definitely don't need anymore.

- Burn letters you won't ever read again.

- Give away books, magazines, etc. that you don't feel an attachment towards, anymore.

- Take chances that you want to take.

- Listen to everybody, but listen to your heart - too.

- No living being is the exact and immediate same.

- We are all made of stars!

- No one can stop us now. :-D

Chapter 8

Burning, like fire.
Rage, altogether hot and cold.
Disappointment, suffocating and stifling.
Hurt, painful like the edge of a sword.
Tears, bitter as a penny.
Regret, cold and thriving.
Happiness, distant and futile.
Hate, ever-present and all-consuming.
 

She never thinks before she writes.

I guess I can't write anymore. I'm not sure. You know how I used to before. Where words were incensed and had some meaning. It's like everything is garbage. Nothing makes sense. Is there a purpose for anything? Yes, perhaps. But perhaps not. What a weird being to be. Are we human? Really? Ah, I'm not making any real sense, am I? Um, I guess the whole point of this rant is absurd. Because I never knew anything. And I wonder if I ever will? The thought's one to contemplate, and sure as the hellions of hell, scary. I'm sad. I hope this isn't a depression. I'll always be this girl. Shy, weird, lonely, different. 

Her: You forgot moody. Moodddeeee. You're very weird, also.
Me: Perfect, thanks.

Facebook is Dumb

Everyone likes to say things. Say smart things. Be noticed. Recognised. Appreciated. Well, I think you're dumb. You're stupid. My writing sucks.

Goodnight bros.

Conversations with the Brain

Her: I'm a girl of many talents.

Me: Oh really. And what are you doing about it?

Her: Well, nothing mostly. But I'm happy. I'm blogging regularly too.

Me: Blogging? That's your big move after being a proper writer and editor?!

Her: Um. Yeah! Why?

Me: Tons of reasons.

Her: Don't be a killjoy. You know that I like my space and time, doing my own thing. Having nobody to report to.

Me: Yeah, but sometimes it's what you need. Besides, do you even have a source of income?

Her: Not really. But I'll get to that when it bothers me.

Me: You mean when you have no more money for your little shopping escapades? Sure. (Snickers)

Her: You're just being a mean dick.

Me: No. Realistic.

Her: Why are you like this? At least, my life is completely stress-free at the moment. I think I might actually be self-actualised, at this point.

Me: Keep dreaming. I'm not saying anything, do what you want.

Her: Okay.

Me: Okay.

OK

You're not okay. You're upset but you won't say why. You're hurt but you won't even cry. You felt this way before but you let it slide. You're waiting for something... Someone. A song. You can't ask for help. You're stuck in between time. You're here. But actually you were left behind. You ask the air around you a thousand questions. You never wait long enough. You're moving at the speed of light. You kissed your heart goodbye. You're cold inside. Cold out. You're alone and yet somehow, you think you don't even mind.